In the serious business of making no money, there are bands that really should not be let out amongst the usual painfully polite or painfully dull musicians of Glasgow. I speak, of course, of Colonel Dijon & The Dijon 5. Their “We Are The Party” EP is the kind of reprehensible, left of centre, tripping over a surfeit of ideas release that would surely drive a nun to become a First Glasgow bus driver.
Take the deranged chanting of “International Sex Hero” for a start. It is pure party madness. More evidence of a lifetime of some sort of pleasure seeking self-abuse can be found in the mock reggae of “Bouncy Ball” that takes a spacewalk down Jamaica Street. The pseudo spaghetti western stylings of “Capturado” disguise – well, thinly disguise - the kind of bleak sense of humour that bears comparison with Glasgow’s own black cloud of self-loathing doom, Kevin Gilday. Only Colonel Dijon & The Dijon 5 know how to smile at the madness that surround them. What else have we got here? Oh yes, a bit of dancefloor destruction called “Dance Off” that mixes white boy funk with the kind of disconnected lyrics that make you think that you have forgotten to take something before you went out.
The EP has an alternate title that goes “Chickety Chiquita, Boom bang a bang there's Yer Dinner- The Adventures of Moonchuck McMungus and the Boogie Bongo Dream Hareem and the battle for the indestructable flatus switch, in the unforgiving town of Pablo Shankar and the ongoing quest for his secret cheesy mincey recipe and the feeding of The Dijon 5000 on just 2 scoops”. They are just not giving a reviewer a chance, are they?